Get in Babes, We’re Spiralling UP
A couple months back I was really going through it. It felt like I was looping.
“I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes” just echoing in my brain on repeat but I wasn't sure how to know if I was or wasn't.
I was doing the therapy. Practicing the art of letting go. Speaking my truths (turns out that in intimate relationships I find that REALLY freaking scary and I freeze like a damned deer in the headlights. Perfectly fine to broadcast my feelings to the internet, though! 😬).
It felt like my patterns wouldn’t let me go.
“Choose yourself” was a refrain from every corner - the tarot cards my bestie pulled (repeatedly, like, repeatedlyyyyyy), the voice of every woman that loves me, my brother (”it’s time to remember who the f—k you are, Cyn”) and my own little heart, too, if I’m being honest.
Hell, even my body was in on it. “You deserve more than this” being whispered at me through the ache in my stomach and the 3am wake-ups out of nowhere.
But what do you do when it feels like everything you ever wanted is right there staring at you, and all you can think is, not like this.
It was around that same time, over some wine with my sweet baby angel of a friend, Amanda (we share therapists which means we share inner thoughts LOL cuz that’s how that works, right?) that she looked me dead in the eyes and she says to me:
“Maybe you’re not making the same mistakes at all, because it’s not a circle, it’s a spiral, and you keep moving up it.”
“Don't worry about if other people are along for the ride. Keep moving UP and only pay attention to the ones who can meet you - raises hand above her head - up HERE, where you're headed.”
When I tell you, I nearly fucking choked on my pinot.
I had never heard something so succinct and poignant and groundbreakingly simple about how our patterns can make us feel like we’re trapped on a racetrack, going around and around, but that with a perspective shift you realize they’re not coming back around - you’re looking back at them from above, as you spiral up.
As you spiral UP.
These patterns, in our lives and relationships — they feel like repetition, but really, they’re showing us our evolution. The vantage point shifts. The stakes rise. The clarity sharpens.
You still see those patterns, those mistakes, those moments you abandoned yourself.
You still see them and as you pass by them on each loopity loop “up”, it can still feel familiar. The ache. The choice. The fear.
But you’re not standing in the same place. You’re looking at it from higher ground.
That’s the thing about growth no one tells you: it doesn’t always feel like victory (at first).
Sometimes it feels like heartbreak again. Like confusion again.
But you’re not feeling those things from a repeating pattern (if you’re doing it right!).
You’re noticing the opportunity each and every time to climb higher. To move away. To say no thank you, this isn't it, not like this.
And maybe that’s the quiet miracle of it all:
Not that the pain is gone, but that you see it for what it is.
A marker. A turning point. A chance to choose differently.
This is what it means to grow - not away from yourself, but toward the version of you that’s been waiting at the next level.
It might feel like a loop. But it's actually a spiral. And you’re not at the start anymore.
You’re already becoming.
Not for nothing, I did start listening to the people around me - and the tarot cards - and choosing myself. I've been spiralling ever higher, feeling ever better, and pretty sure world domination is close behind.
Fortunately everyone else seems to be noticing as well? So it's confirmed, choosing your growth over anything - or anyone - that leaves you feeling smaller, is always going to be the move.
If you’re done looping and ready to spiral up, Life in Bloom is the place to begin. I’ll be there with you, the whole way through (and up!).